February 23, 2016

Drive to work this morning, I was told that I was talking in my sleep (the night before) in what appeared to be an alien tongue.  This is of no surprise to me, as this was a common occurrence in times of my life when I have been more focused on the metaphysical than the physical.  I would expect to start, in the not too distant future, to resume dream travel.  I am very excited about this, yet also terrified. 


I started reading a book that was lent to me by a dear friend.  The topic is Forbidden Archaeology.  The branch of social sciences that deals with the origins of man not being as cut and dried as either the Evolutionist nor the Creationist would have the world believe.  I find this interesting.  My dogma is very rooted in Darwinian Biology, so for me the idea of the origins of the race of humanity not being an evolved form of an ape-like creature is somewhat disheartening to me maybe?  Can't decide how I feel about it.


I also started skimming over the Israel Regardie "Golden Dawn" book again.  One which I had read years prior in deep extent. I am merely refreshing myself at this point and finding a deeper understanding of the material.  Also read over Crowley's Book of the Law.  That one never ceases to make me laugh.  The man was such a hoot.  He has this reputation as the Devil Incarnate, but he was just an Intellectual who liked to mess with his audience.  And spread truth.  Just a shame he also decided to monetize that truth.  Not that he would profit a red cent at this point from a purchase, but I have found the majority of his books on the web for free.  Guerilla Mystic.  Pirate Magician.  I'm still working on a title for me. 


Doing the LBRP at lunch today and spending about ten minutes in quiet meditation rather than surfing the interwebs.  Does anyone say surf the web anymore? 


Love and Light,  


Nyx

And So It Begins

ConVocation 2016  has reached a close. This was my second time at ConVocation, the first of which being in 2015.  I should start by saying, I love the convention.  The people are amazing, so much love and acceptance.  Of course, nothing is perfect, and with that ConVocation is not a perfect thing.  But everyone gets what they need from it.  Not necessarily what they ask for, but what is concordant with the Will.  That is the way magic works, after all.   The magician acts as a conduit  for universal energies in order to help along that which should be.  To bring about a change.  I have been put into contact with many people who have developed their sensitivities for things unseen over the years, some of whom are legitimate conduits, some of whom are charlatans.  In the moment, it is often difficult to tell which is which.  With the filter of time and perspective, much clarity can be gained from quiet reflection on the events that have happened throughout the course of one’s life, but when something so large and so powerful is so fresh in one’s mind, it is less than ideal to ascertain.

    I am not new to the world of mysticism, but I think of myself as a neophyte in the ways of serious study.  I know that I possess within me vast power and the ability to enact real and sweeping changes from a metaphysical standpoint.  Am terrified of my own power.  For years, I fled from it, tucked nicely within the structure of my daily life.  I was dying inside.  I had previously walked many paths and worn many hats.  I practiced shamanism, I studied Thelemic magic, I learned Reiki, in my youth I was a practicing demonologist.  I was at one point Catholic.  Shudder.  None of this makes me more or less enlightened.  None of this gives me more cred, or makes me better than anyone else.  The design of this journal is not to extend bragging rights, but more to illustrate a very specific point.  I have no idea where I am going and I am open to learning from all sources.   

   

    While at ConVocation, I made the conscious decision to re-commit myself to the study and deepening of my relationship with the world of the metaphysical, the etheric, and in some ways the Great Mysteries.  It has taken years (and the addition of the right partner) to get me to a place of mental clarity to where I am ready to move forward on that journey.  I extend an invitation to you, dear reader, to take the journey with me.  I will be chronicling my walk along the path by way of this journal.  I intend to lay myself bare in hopes that my transformative process may be in some way helpful to another seeker out there who is in the same river as I.        

    ConVocation, or “Con” as many call it, is the kick off to my spiritual calendar.  As mentioned prior, this my second time going, but it harkens back to the thriving multi-path pagan community that I was fortunate to be part of at my time at Michigan State.  It moves as a living thing, it breathes, it pulses.  Both this year and last, I had the same reaction to my post con feeling.  I was sad to see it all go.  I knew full well that the people that I see there are people that I will only share space with on a once yearly basis.  Many of the participants, vendors, and teachers come from all parts of the country to engage in the experience.  And every year brings a new and different experience.  I am also filled with energy when I leave that sacred space.  All of the good feelings and light are great, but without using that energy to move forward and create a positive change in your situation and the situation of those who you love, it is not a sustainable measure.  The Light and Feels will fade away and ultimately back to feeling like Con hadn’t just happened.  

    I attempted to take more classes this year than last.  You know what Master Yoda says about “Try”.  I attended two classes.  One of which was...okay.  But the other.  Oh my Goddess.  The other was mind blowing.  It was a class on clearing ethereal cords.  Part of the exercise was meditation.  Part of the exercise was training on how to perceive the cords and what they were.  The final portion was pulling the actual cord and healing the “hole” that is left in one’s energy field.  I did the meditation.  Despite my scattered mind, I am pretty good at that.  I did the visualization, which came surprisingly easily.  Normally visualization is a bit difficult for me.  I visualized three cords.  The first was a green, tendrilous cord that wrapped and twisted like a living vine.  I followed it out and it led to my partner, who was in the class, meditating near me.  Definitely keeping that one.  The second was a cold, black cord.  I knew what that was about.  It was the link to my brother.  That needed to go, but not then and not there.  The last one was a thin red cord, almost the gauge of shielded electrical wire.  The cord felt the most calm, and as per the instructor's directions, we were to attempt to pull the calmest cord.  I followed it back and it connected to an ex I had long since resolved my feelings for.  Assuming it would be easy, I pulled the cord.  About halfway through, it got stuck.  I repositioned the cord and got it loose.  After I was free of it and healed up the breach, I felt my energy matrix grow.  I visualized myself bathed in yellow light and sheathed in what appeared to be a suit of energic armor.  Needless to say, I felt amazing...but I was genuinely surprised that I was still losing so much energy to a person that I thought I was so over.    

Then later that day I had a lecture.  It was about where Psychic and Magic collide.  Don’t get me wrong, it was good.  Just the workshop of earlier in the day was so fantastic that I was floored.  And so much energy, that sitting in lecture wasn’t an ideal setup either.  Many amazing encounters with many amazing folk.  Saturday night there is a Masquerade Ball.  It would not do it justice to attempt to describe it.  It is a ritual unto itself.  I got to spend time with my step-daughter which is always nice.  Connections were made by all.  Seeds were sown for the future.  And we got to see a live marriage proposal from one of the Pagan/ Magic world’s luminaries to her then-girlfriend, now-fiance.  It was a beautiful moment.  But as with all things...Sic Transit Gloria.  And we must return to our regularly scheduled programming.  Until next year.  

In the meantime, I have no idea what I am doing with my life.  I know who I will walk with, but I have no idea what road I am taking.  I know that I will be peeling back layers to examine the world beneath.  I know I will be seeing the skin beneath the skin.  It is a decision and a commitment to go back to the study of the Occult.  I look forward to learning together.